


The League of Character Studies

by raditus



Category: League of Gentlemen (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Drabble Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-11
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-07-10 23:32:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15959906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raditus/pseuds/raditus
Summary: The League of Character Studies is a collection of stories showcasing what would happen if many different characters from The League of Gentlemen get together and interact.





	1. Chapter 1

Ross snorted, "Hilary? He's harmless; Though there's rumors that he's got some sort of bootlegging operation." He paused to eat some of his salad. "Me, I don't believe it. If there's been bootlegging, then where's the still and stuff you'd need for an operation?"

"Bootlegging?" His lunch companion asked. "What's that got to do with the special meat stuff?"

"Don't you kids know anything these days?" Ross continued through his sour look, "It's not unusual for butcher to spice up their meats with stuff like Rum. Most often, it would be bootlegged."

"So that's why Briss's secrecy; It would be *very* illegal." 

"And I'm sure alcoholics would get hooked, thinking they'd get trolleyed." 

"My dad told me stories," Ross's companion spoke. Ross looked at them, uncomprehendingly. "He worked at a hospital. Years ago, drunks that got admitted in would guzzle down those little bottles of mouth wash. They'd managed to get rat-arsed." Ross looked green!

"That's bloody disgusting!" 

"Nowadays, it won't work; They've changed the stuff around inside."

"Well, thank God I won't be getting buzzed from any meat." Ross added, as he perused his menu. "I'm vegetarian."


	2. Mickey Michaels On The Tattsyrups

"I've been there once," Mickey stated, about the Local Shop. "The old man that runs the place got mad at me; I'd bumbled against the display case and broke some of the snow globes. He'd said if it wasn't for the fact that I was a local, that I wouldn't be safe, that I'd never get far because," he imitated Edward's piggish growl he only got when he was annoyed, "You're too much of a job's worth." He looked at me in confusion, asking, "If I was worth a job, then how come I wasn't able to keep my last one?"

"Anything else?"

"Yeah," Then, Mickey grimaced, showing his crooked and yellowed teeth. "I got kicked out of the store for life."

"Oh, that's rough."

"If that's not enough for you, those shopkeepers are married, but I heard they also were brother and sister." He shook his head, "I don't have brains God gave me, but I wouldn't do that! No wonder they have pig snouts!"


	3. Pauline Campbell-Jones On Harvey Denton

Pauline Campbell-Jones snorted, collecting papers, "And who is that man to me? I've never heard of him."

"His name's Harvey Denton. His wife, Val is looking for more friends."

"What does Mr. and Mrs. Denton do for a living?"

"I don't think Val works, but Harvey breeds toads."

"What?" Pauline's voice was a screech. Her screech was nearly a rival for Tubbs' eardrum busting shrieking! "Ruddy Hell, no way! Do you honestly think I'd be caught dead mingling with a bone idle lazy cunt that does nothing all day but breed disgusting little creatures?" She thundered, "Get the hell out of my sight!"


	4. Harvey Denton On Ross Gaines

"Do you know anything about Ross Gaines?"

"Ross, him?" Harvey thought for a minute. "Yes, Val and I knew him from when he was a wee fellow; He'd do Val's mother's grocery shopping for her. She was bad off in her later years; It was her hip packing up." 

"So, what happened? He acted cold, bordering on being rude."

"He got into Government." Val put in. "Many idealistic youth go in thinking they'll be the ones to change the system for the better." 

Harvey snorted,"That lot sees change, alright. They get changed into cold cynics, that's what."

"Uncle Harvey's sugar coating it." Benjamin Denton called out. "What he meant to say is that your Ross-y kins is a cold, souless wanker."

Val gasped with scandalized shock as Harvey bellowed, "What have we said about using swears, Benjamin?"


	5. Benjamin Denton - Pauline Campbell-Jones

"Hold on," Benjamin Denton exclaimed to the large, red headed woman, wrinkling his nose. "Do I know you? You seem familiar."

Pauline Campbell-Jones stopped short, glaring at the young man. She thought he was Ross.

"Ross? What the hell did you do to your hair?" She gave him a once over in obvious distaste. "And where's your glasses?"

Benjamin's face went slack and pale as he realized who this might be, "Tubbs Tattsyrup, does your husband know you've styled your hair and put on that color of lipstick?" 

"You scum!" Pauline thundered, "Comparing me to that swine family!" She decked Benjamin hard and fast!

Minutes later, Harvey and Val had to come by and take the unconscious form of Benjamin home.


End file.
